In a time of intensifying attacks on trans and nonbinary people, the National LGBTQ+ Bar (“the Bar”) has heard from many legal professional parents and caregivers of trans children (both youth and adults) seeking community and guidance. In October, the Bar launched a new pilot program designed to meet this need. These meetings are designed to offer community, resources, and education to help caregivers build cultural competency around trans identity, understand legal issues affecting trans people, access family resources, and turn fear into informed action.
The Bar invited Melanie Rowen (she/they), a facilitator, trainer and coach committed to supporting transgender and nonbinary youth, to lead the pilot program and guide group conversations. This month, Melanie sat down with the Bar for a Q&A to share more about this group and what it means to its membership.
Could you share your experience and career path with our readers?
I entered law school with the hope of building a career in LGBTQ+ civil rights impact work. After graduating, I began my legal practice in litigation at Latham & Watkins LLP. I was then fortunate to join the National Center for Lesbian Rights (now the National Center for LGBTQ+ Rights) as a staff attorney. Most of my litigation and policy work there focused on marriage equality and other core issues affecting the LGBTQ+ community, including issues specifically impacting trans and nonbinary people. I loved being part of that work, but eventually realized that advocacy wasn’t the way I most wanted to support the community. I found myself drawn to roles centered on guidance, coaching, and professional growth.
Once I decided to shift my method of support, I began serving as a public interest career advisor at Berkeley Law, where I maintained a strong connection to trans advocacy through board service with the Transgender Law Center and through supporting trans and nonbinary students. In 2022, I returned to Latham & Watkins as an Attorney Development Manager.
Starting in 2016, though, I was also training in conflict resolution and building my practice as a mediator, in addition to my other work. For several years now, I’ve taught conflict resolution skills – specifically, an approach called the Understanding-Based Model, which centers consent-based process, getting underneath the issues and trusting the parties’ wisdom on the best solutions – to people who want to approach conflict differently. Today, I run my own practice offering mediation, coaching, and training. My work now focuses on helping people navigate difficult conversations, sit with complexity, and identify their next best steps.
Can you expand on the purpose of the National LGBTQ+ Bar’s Support Group for Legal Professional Caregivers of Transgender Kids?
The National LGBTQ+ Bar’s mission is to support everyone in the LGBTQ+ legal professional umbrella. The Bar has decided that, particularly in these very challenging times, this appropriately includes family members and caregivers of LGBTQ+ people regardless of their own gender identity and sexual orientation, so long as they are part of the legal professional community. Going into this pilot program, our aim was really to figure out what the Bar can offer these caregivers, and how we can ensure that this group offers genuine, needed support. A couple months in, it is very clear that this is something that legal professionals in this caregiving role really need.
The folks who have joined are truly wonderful, and they have taken the lead on determining what this group will mean for its members going forward. Folks in the group are looking for community, specifically with other lawyer caregivers who understand their specific needs and experiences. The alarming deterioration of trans rights on policy and law fronts, and the increase in transphobic rhetoric and scapegoating, sometimes makes these caregivers feel like they must wear their lawyer hat in their family, not just at the office. Due to their skillset, they can feel a heightened sense of responsibility to stay informed of these changes and ensure that they do everything possible to protect their children and families. In that situation, given the pace of the attacks on trans people, it can be incredibly hard to even come up for air, so we’ve also had some great conversations about how caregivers can support their family and loved ones in sustainable ways.
Why is it important for this group to exist right now?
We are living in a time when trans and nonbinary people, especially young people, are being unfairly targeted. Not only is that profoundly harmful and dangerous, it is a matter of life and death for some members of the community. Understandably, this is incredibly frightening for parents and caregivers, and there is a critical need for those family members to have community support in doing whatever they can to protect and assist their kids. We have a wonderful collection of folks from all across the country who have joined. Some are from urban areas and some are from more rural or suburban communities, some practice in BigLaw and some are small firm/solo practitioners or public interest attorneys. It is wonderful to see this diverse group come together around everyone’s shared need for community and belonging with others who understand what they are experiencing. It also provides these family members with an accessible and manageable way to gain important information, resources, and updates. While it is not always possible to end each discussion with a silver lining, we are hearing from folks in the group that what matters most is just having others to navigate this landscape alongside.
Outside of this group, what do you see as the role of the National LGBTQ+ Bar right now for parents of trans and queer kids?
If you are a caregiver of a trans or nonbinary person, you don’t have to navigate this present landscape alone. Many lawyers are also caregivers of trans and nonbinary kids, and finding community is essential to making this time survivable. Caring for yourself is part of caring for your child, and that includes talking openly about what you’re going through and connecting with others who understand. LGBTQ+ community spaces that welcome allies can be a powerful source of support, and the National LGBTQ+ Bar is one place to find that network.
There are so many ways caregivers can benefit from engaging with the Bar, regardless of whether they identify as LGBTQ+ themselves. Some caregivers already know adult trans people; some do not. Connecting with LGBTQ+ lawyers can be incredibly grounding and affirming for caregivers in either of those positions, and the Bar makes it easy to build those relationships in a supportive, professional community. Attending the National LGBTQ+ Bar’s Lavender Law® Conference is a great place to start. It offers a chance to experience and join a vibrant community, learn more about the broader LGBTQ+ legal landscape, and expand your world by stepping into this wonderful corner of the profession. Plus, the Conference provides cutting-edge information regarding legal and policy developments affecting LGBTQ+ people, including trans and nonbinary youth and adults.
Don’t hesitate to seek out support, and if you’re not sure where to start, plugging into an organization like the National LGBTQ+ Bar can help you get connected to a trusted network of people who are ready to help.
To learn more about this program, email WIP@lgbtqbar.org.